Saturday, 25 September 2010


That woman breaks up with Max. Darrens new nickname is "Stitches" due to his circumcision, and she refers to him as this despite the emotional weight of the moment. She's gonna go get back with Jodie's dad for her and Darren's sake. Minty runs out of the christening to get with Sam then decides not to then just leaves the square altogether. RIP Minty. The thugs at the Slater's pretend to rob Lily so everyone freaks out then Alfie rolls in pretending to be the police and they scarper. So he's not dead obvs. Kat reveals herself to be pregnant, and the baby is not Alfie's. Oh dear.

Phil has a beard. Kat puts the £10,000 in a toy dog for some reason, which is one of a gazillion that Mo is selling on the square. OH. DEAR. Has it been sold to Darren to give to Jodie? Shirley to give to Hev? Jane to give to Bobby? The hunt is on. Meanwhile Darren and Jodie bonk. Eventually the hunt narrows it down to Roxy or Hev, and Alfie goes round Heathers. Unfortunately she's already found it, but Alf explains the situ and she gives it back. But Alf is such a top bloke he gives her a bit of it. The bets it on a horse called "VICTORIAS PROMISE" and gets £20,000 back. I WONDER WHAT THIS MEANS??????

Alfie has a chat with Phil about whether he can help with any work. Glenda's got a job at the bookies. Or rather is on a trial day. Hev's using the Alfie money to rent somewhere outside of Walford cos she can't afford Minty's if Minty ain't there. Dot tells her to rent Ethel's old flat. Alfie takes Darren's job on the car lot. Except he doesn't it's a great joke Max did. Darren takes Jodie and her parents to the caff. Not sure why. Alfie spends the whole day trying to get a job, the chippy, the bookies. Glenda meanwhile has implemented this policy where you get a free drink with every bet you place, which is absurd and I am pretty sure VERY ILLEGAL. I'm sure you need a license for that sort of thing don't you? Or is the fact it's free make it ok? Anyway, naturally Carol who appears to now be boss of the bookies is not best pleased, but is persuaded when she see's how much money everyone spends when they're drunk. Alfie takes Kat's money which she has AGAIN left on top of a bag, and BUYS THE VIC!?!??! wowowowow didn't see that coming. Then Kat punches Alfie and the episode ends. Great.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010


this is off the top, no note-takin' or live bloggin' none o' that shit.

Jodie wants to break up with Darren unless her mum and dad get back together. It's been about ten minutes since they got back together. Kat has returned to get a birth certificate because she's on the run from some mobsters who she did some dodgy deal with with Alfie. She says Alfie is dead but I'm pretty sure it's not true because he's on the front of TV Times and TV Quick and all those. Minty continues to have a dilemma. Phil try's to say "thanks for getting me off the crack and getting me a business to run" to Shirley by sending Minty away from the arches for "ten minutes. best make it twenty". Super gross but she is a classy lady and shuns his sexual advances. George is getting christened but who cares. Nothing else really happens. Sam's going to leave and phones Minty so he'll come and he probably stays with Heather. Kat goes back to the flat and everyones like "yeahhhh you're back wowwwww" then bloody silly old Jean comes in and goes "how strange, I was just saying how it was very unlikely you'd be back for ages" and everyones like "what? why? WOT U ON ABAAHHT JEAN?" and then she drops it:

"yes I was saying it to the northern mobsters who are sitting in the front room"

Dun dun dun! Oh no!



Jack is the dad. She (Sam) pretended it was Ricky's but she's a twat and it's actually Jacks. This mean's he's now got a kid with Roxy, Sam and Ronnies pregs, so both sisters and the cousin too. Even on Jezza Kyle is this rare. Mental. Everyone found out about Stacey not taking her pills. Phil has gone from crack to absolutely loving the playstation. Tracey's working at the chippie (PHEW). Minty thinks Heather wants him to marry her, but she doesn't, so it's fine. Kim (Denise's sis) is capitalising on the demise of the vic and has opened an illegal bar in Patricks front room, much to Denise's chagrin I hasten to add! Sam thinks the baby's ill because it's poo is green, so Charlie, after being at said clandestine bar, takes her barely out of the square before telling her it's really common (I had no idea, I think this is like the doing a poo when you have a baby thing that no-one discusses it but it happens to everyone), he then backs into some boxes or something. Shirl convinces Pat to sell the arches to Phil (????????!?!?!?!?!?!?). Sam wants to give the baby to Jack and Ronnie cos she can't handle it.


So they agree to take him. Charlie, as a result of reversing into some boxes, is getting done for drink driving. Peggy's left the vic to Phil, so within a few hours he goes from Playstation loving crackhead to fucking Alan Sugar. (Why didn't she give it back to Roxy for christ sake!? She just borrowed a few thousand pounds off her it's the least she could flipping do seeing as HER DAD left it to her in the first place, ay carumba!). Ronnie pays Sam off with £30,000 (of Roxy's money OBVIOUSLY), so she'll take the baby away so Ronnie don't have to deal with the whole Jack being a sleaze situ. She agrees BUT THEN Ronnie goes home and the baby's already there. Ha, eat that. Darren wins Jodie back by telling her he got circumsized and DRAWING HER A DIAGRAM. Honestly. Then Sam takes the baby back again, Sam snogs Minty putting him in a dilemma about whether to live his dream of being with Sam or go to the Argy Bargy where he has a dinner date with Hev, and KAT SLATERS BACK. Wearing a wig.

Monday, 20 September 2010


this is the one where Peggy leaves forever except they think we care when we don't. The police come round but it's no big deal. There's this crazy long shot of Peggy walking through the square that's like it's from Irreversible or some shit and gives loads of extras the opportunity to go "all the best Peg" "love you peg" etc etc. Peggy goes to the hospital to blackmail Stacey into saying she burnt down the pub or she'll shop her for murdering Archie. Lol. yeh right peggs. She's having none of it. Ryan and Janine are going on their honeymoon. Not sure where. Phil is amazing at acting. Billy lets him leave the house!!! Does he never learn??

There's more weird shit when Peggy goes into the pub and hears loads of flashbacks of shit that happened years ago. It's all a bit hollyoaks. Then she goes home and is like "i'm gonna leave and i'm gonna take Phil" but she needs money so Roxy goes and gets her some. Standard. Asif Peggy losing the pub means her & the pubs bank accounts are suddenly dry. Oh and Ronnie's pregnant again allegedly. Sam makes the VERY GOOD POINT that not two days ago did Peggy convince her not to give up her baby but that she would bring it up no problem. Sam is also terrible at acting. Can Phil even leave the country? What about Ben? In the end she goes alone anyway and gets that fucking piano ending music and despite it being about 5pm no-one is in the square. She doesn't even say bye to Pat! & who's going to sort out Tracey & Shirley and Christian. (actually Christian is a personal trainer now so he's fine)


sorry mate, i am WAY behind. Here is the greatest episode of all time, the one where the vic burns down. IN SUMMARY:

Basically, Phil is going mad in the flat above the vic, Stacey has told Peggy about her killing Archie so Peggy slaps Stace (that's the last thing she needs). Billy is a big fat moron and opens the barricades to give Phil a glass of water, then Phils all "im on crack let me out" so Billy gets scared and leaves the flippin' crowbar in the room. UNNNGGGGHHHHH. Stacey is going a bit mad bless her without her pills and she tries to tell Ryan that Lily is his kid. But it's his wedding reception in the vic (hence EVERYONE being there), so she takes him to the toilet and he's all like "you trying to snog me on my wedding day?" the Pat comes in and thinks the same thing and slaps Stacey too! Noooo. So she is proper gutted and stays in the toilet. Meanwhile Phil has obvs escaped and smashes some booze up everywhere at the bottom of the stairs then chats to Peggy for aaaaages and she doesn't ever think to blow out the fuckin' match right in front of her. But instead shouts "YOU AINT GOT THE BOTTLE" and then obviously he HAS got the bottle and burns the whole place down. Everyone in the pub takes about ten years to notice. Then they do and everyones going mental trying to leave, and pretty much everyone gets out. Masood gets out with Tambo and then is like "WHERES YOUR MOTHER!!" and she's inside helping Syed because he's lying on the floor. It's a beautiful moment.

So yeah, everyone's out except Stacey, Phil and Lily who's upstairs being a baby. Stacey is DON and puts a coat over her back and runs up the stairs which are all burning like crazy. Phil is less don and tries to get the money from the till and gets trapped when the top bit of the bar falls on him. Stacey eventually pries some of the boards off the windows at the top and Ryan goes up the ladder to get Lily and bring her back down. Peggy and Billy go in and get Phil out. Then Ryan goes back up and Stacey is unconcious on the floor so he puts her on his shoulder and is coming down the ladder when BOOOMMMM. Massive explosion sends them flying. So they're lying on the ground proper hurt and Ryans all like "look, lily's by the ambulance she's fine" and Stace goes "she's yours". The Peggy is freaking out watching the pub burn and she goes 'LETTTT IT BURRRRNNNNN, LETT IT BURRNN". GREAT EP.

Thursday, 9 September 2010



Peggy gets her name above the door again. Phil is really good at acting on crack. It's Janine's hen night, except everyone hates Janine. Ricky takes Ryan for his "stag do" i.e- a pint in the vic with ricky. Janine tells everyone how good Ryan is in bed which is creepy, especially cos Whit's there. Bianca and Ronnie have a fight about who the dad of Sam's kid is, Bianca grabs her hair and then Ron chucks a drink over her. Pat's got a stripper too and he dances with her (Pat) and its brilliant. And Denise's sister keeps calling Janine "Janice" which is great too. Ricky & Ryan get really drunk in the vic and Ricky goes "At christmas..... will you help me do the washing up?". Lol drunk ppl. Pat & Peggy have a great argument where she gets called out for letting Phil kill himself. Ouch. Billy and Minty and Peggy all go to try and get Phil. Ricky and Ryan are really good at acting drunk. Dot is complaining about them being loud and naked and then Stacey's like it's alright they're having a laugh, then Dot says some stuff about the baby and Bradley and Stacey proper casually is like "yeah well Bradleys not her dad. Night then" and then goes inside. UHOH. Janine meets some yuppie creep with a penthouse and as they're leaving the club she can hear Ryan yelling "I love Janine Butcherrrrrr" but then he kisses her and she gets in his car! JANINE NO! Meanwhile Phil is going APESHIT in the back of Minty's van, and then they all (w/sam and Jay and maybe Ron&Rox) try and get him in the vic and up the stairs and it's CRAZY, it's like he's a fucking gorilla or something. Then they get him in the living room and barricade him in and nail planks over the door so he can get off the smack. DARK.



hello. as a non-eastenders aside my laptop dun broke so i'm a bit behind. these are thurs and fri of last week, then ill do mon/tues of this week, then tonights, cos i wanna be bang up to date for fridays because the fucking vic gets burnt down. it's on all the adverts and anything. madness.

Peggy's been out all night but no-one knows why. She been with Sam? Looking for Phil? (Looking for Phil). Ricky goes to the hosp to help Sam out cos she's still having her baby. Sam asks for Peggs so Ricky goes to get her. Pat tells Billy that he should find Phil despite being the only person behind the bar (It's ok, Minty covers). Janine overhears Ricky ask Peggy to go to the hospital cos Peggy's all like "why are you there, is it yr kid?" and he's like "yeh maybs", so Janine goes and tells Bianca Sam's baby is his! Uhhhh ohhhh. Ronnie also overhears so goes and tells Jack cos it might be his too? (Apparently. I can't remember them doing it). She takes Jack to the hosp, then Bianca turns up! But they work it out. It finally gets born and is a little tiny Mitchell boy. Billy comes back from finding Phil & it doesn't sound good, he's found him but he's in a bad way. Then the big reveal is SAM'S GIVING THE BABY UP FOR ADOPTION. OH NO!

So obvs Peggy is gutted and everyone tries to convince her to keep it or let Peggy bring it up (how old is she?). The general gist of this ep was all that stuff, Ryan and Janine getting married but not inviting anyone but then inviting people, Phil lives in a proper crack den with graffiti and everything, it's fucking grim. Becca goes too far mental and Jean tells Stacey so Stacey is don and chucks her out. Good riddance! Remember when she was being all creepy and doing it with Max? Yikes. Peggy goes to find Phil and tells him he's better off dead. OUCH.

Sunday, 5 September 2010


Becca has convinced Stacey to stop taking her medication, but thats probably for the best innit, full or mercury and flouride designed to keep her on a particular frequency level. FINALLY Stacey Slater can ascend to one world consciousness. I'll keep you updated. Ricky goes to the hospital to see Sam and Mintys there. Becca is being a fucking massive bitch, saying Jean has messed up the stall and that while Stace was having the baby. Ricky and Bianca have sex in a caravan. Becca then has an argument with Jean and tells her that it was her that called the police on Bradley! She's gone mental! Ohhh Nooooo. So Jeans all like "im gonna tell" then Becca blackmails her not to. ooooo.


Lucy's moved to Devon or somewhere like that. I dunno. With an Aunt or something. ??? Phils gone missing cos he loves crack. Jane's opening a bank account so she can rip off Ian. Then he see's Denise who tries to warn him about Jane and Ian's all like "LOL LIKE IM GONNA TAKE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FROM YOU, YOUR HUSBAND LOCKED YOU IN THE BASEMENT LOL" and Jordan calls him a prat which is great. Denise and Jordan have a very emotional and touching moment when she's trying to make him feel good and he's like "i'm not going anywhere" and we realise that it's not just her being there for him through this tough time, she is relying on Jordan too. Carol goes out with Lewis the army recruitment guy again and they end up fucking at Bianca's WHILE TIFF, MORGAN, LIAM AND PAT ARE ALL DOWNSTAIRS. grossssssss. Jane's gonna adopt Bobbie so we think everythings fine then she goes to Denise "yeah so i can still get access when i fuck Ian over" oh dear!

That was tuesdays so no real cliffhanger. I'll watch the other 2 later mate.

Saturday, 4 September 2010


ok so found notes for one episode.

JANE KNOWS ABOUT THE ABORTION. from what i can work out from the ones i missed, it was zsa zsa (how do you spell that?) who told her. oh dear. lucy cheated on her GCSE's so her and peter are 'under investigation'. so jane and ian and them are all being weird, then lucy admits it and tells the headteacher and peter's investigation is dropped and she has to re-take the whole year. guttteeerrrrssss. shoulda boned wheelchair man eh? yeah right.

Syed/Said (how do you spell that?) has now started wearing Christian-esque tight shirts. I find this distressing. Like he's come out so he has to adopt all the cliches. Nice to see them back in it though, Tambo makes a video and Said tells his sister whos away whats happened then deletes the video. It's tragic.

Heather and Minty eat chips together. This appears to be the extent of their relationship.

Bradleys ashes are returned so Max plans to go somewhere they went on holiday once to scatter them into the sea. Beccas all weird and doesn't give her the message, then when they're about to leave she's all freaky and freaks out Stace and she goes 'we can't, i can't let him go' or summat like that. Max is a great actor and gets very emotional in the kitchen. Then he's a great guy and says Stacey can look after the ashes til she's ready. WHAT A TOP BLOKE.

So Jane's properly going mental at Ian under her breath, and she's chatting to Denise and says "I'm not gonna leave, I'm gonna ruin Ian's life"

FINALLY! OHHHHH YEAHHHHH. Next week Peggy leaves and the Vic burns down. I'll keep you posted.


hi sam. im gonna level with you, i've fallen off eastenders big and am out of the loop. i watched the omibus and made extensive notes but now all my stuff is in boxes and i dont know where it is :( but the gist of last weeks was, if I can remember:

-max's lady is now living with them.
-heather and george are getting kicked out of their house.
-glenda knew ronnie was getting abused by archie.
-the club re-opened
-shirl decided to go off to help phil who was trying to rob the arches for crack money instead of looking after heathers house so they got evicted and heather was well narky with shirl.
-peggy got all 'oh all my kids hate me' so went to see sam in prison who was all like 'i hate you' then got up revealing she's pregs!
-then later minty went to see sam and was all like 'ill support you with the baby, will you marry me?' and she says yes. don't get too excited though....

....cos then the next fucking day she's all like "i woulda said anything so you'd leave the room" despite the fact that he WAS LEAVING THE ROOM when she said it. like when amira caught syed and zanab arguing and was all like 'what are you arguing about?' and then in the next episode they were like 'oh nothing' and she was like 'oh cool'. f you eastenders. so mintys all upset about that and heathers staying with him so they get drunk and have a wild night of pleasure (or giggle in bed alot according to shirl), so then hevs like 'that only happened cos you were upset with sam' and then mintys like 'no its you i want' AWWWW.

oh and darren had a circumcision for jodie but then cos she found out about max and her mum don't even want to see him! killer! abbie still fancies darren too. not sure what else has happened. ill keep you posted

Thursday, 19 August 2010


Listen, all you need to know right now is, Darren's had a circumcision. Brilliant.

Friday, 13 August 2010


this is a tripple wammy cos i forgot to update this tuesday. can't really remember what happened but nothing crazy, Ryan proposed to Janine properly and she said yes. Some old guy wants to buy the Vic.

New one starts with Tiff making a great joke saying Whits text to Billie makes her sound desperate. It totally does. There's more hints that Bianca is having an affair with the army man that her and Carol went to see and Peggy organises a barbecue in the square to show she is top landlady number one and shouldn't lose the vic to some jerk. Billie comes back in his combats and him and Whit go for a romantic drink at the allotments. But uhoh, he's all 'i've changed' 'we're different people' and they break up. Whit's all "I know you love me, I've got texts that say it!". haha. Then at the barbecue Carols all "BIANCA'S HAVING AN AFFAIR!!" to everyone, oh no! What will happen?!!?

Not a lot. She isn't. The "bobby" she's been talking to is a code name for Ricky to add a bit of spice to their mindnumbing relationship. Oh dear. Most people have a great laugh at this apart from Caz and Bianc, obvs. Phil meanwhile has lost his last 'crack rock'. Oh dear. Abbie is all into this book called the Cosmic Catalogue where you ask the universe for stuff and you get it. She obviously didn't ask for Darren to bone her then, or to not be a twat, har har. But anyway, somehow Pat gets the book for Peggy, who's moaning about the pub again, and gets her to write down how she wants to own the pub again and tell the universe thats what she wants. Billie's all like "theres someone else, a lady soldier" and Whit chucks all their photos on the bbq and contaminates the beef much to Ryan's chagrin. Phil goes to get money out for crack but is all on crack so forgets his pin and loses his card, he goes to the caff with Minty but is on crack and hasn't washed for days and stinks out the place so Bianca says customers have complained and he needs to leave. Ouch. So Minty takes him to the vic to see Peggy, only she's on the phone to Grant banging on about how great he is and what a good dad he is and how Phil isn't worth a bag of shit and all this, NICE ONE PEGGY PHILS RIGHT BEHIND YOU ON CRACK. So Phil is gutted, and goes home to try and find his crack. Ryan meanwhile, punches Billie. Yeaaaaahhhhhh. Then Phil finds the crack, Carol and Bianca have a heart to heart and love each other, and Roxy decides to give the vic over to Peggy properly. Then Rainy is all "but when we've done this we won't have any crack, we need some money for crack" so Phil looks out the window over at the vic and says "I know somewhere we can get enough money we never have to come down........." WOAH, WILL PHIL ROB THE QUEEN VICTORIA, HIS FORMER RESIDENCE AND MOTHERS HOME AND BUSINESS TO PURCHASE SOME MORE CRACK!? stay tuned.

Monday, 9 August 2010


oh wow, great ep. so much stuff going on where to start. first of all, Janine and Ryan are back! On a motorbike too which they won off someone in a poker game while on holiday (sounds like a mad one), they haven't got any money though and have been sacked from the bookies. nightmare. So they head to Pat's to scam some food (pat now lives in the vic, incase you didn't know. bit weird but let's go with it). Phil is BLIND DRUNK and SMOKING CRACK back at his with Rainy. Absolute fucking insanity. It's incredible. He keeps banging on about his kids and how great he is then gets all aggro then demands another rock. Heather is gutted because her and George are gonna get evicted at the end of the day, nightmare. Her and Shirl go to the citizens advice bureau but they ain't gonna do shit. So Shirls all like, we'll squat. Rad. Denise's sister, not content with stealing Chelsea's bed, rolls on into her job at the salon & Roxy obviously gives her a job because she's a twat. Tiffany is at the vic and is all like "OMG Auntie Janine have you got married!?" cos she's got on an engagement ring, but we find out it was just a plot so they'd get an upgrade on holiday by pretending it was their honeymoon. So Peggy's all like 'mate he'd never marry you you gross bitch' and brings up all that stuff about how she's killed loads of people and all that. So then Janine's like mate whatever. MEANWHILE, Phil & Rainy are really into crack and get all freaky and disgusting and bone right there on the floor. Grim stuff. And then Shirl lets herself in and Phils all horrible and drunk and pink and says "She saved my life, I had to repay her somehow" BLEEEAAARRRRGH. So then to top it all off Janine goes down to the pub and is all like Ryan, will you marry me?????

Stay tuned for his response. xxx


Ok so Phil isn't very pleased about the whole Louise/Lisa scenario but chills out abit and then when the social worker comes round is really nice and relaxed, then steals his bag to find Lisa's address and drives off in a rage. "Rainy", tanya's sister, scores some crack in the square. Denise & Patrick decide to go to the funeral of the woman who Lucas killed as if she was Denise and Patrick gives her a great bit of advice "She may have died for you, but now you have to live for her". Phil gets to Lisa's and smashes the door in but they've gone! Noooooooo. Police find Phil with his head in his hands on a lone matress in an empty room, so gutted Phil. This however causes him to GET BACK ON THE DRINK! I.e-hilarious Phil. Abbie meanwhile puts on Rainy's coat and lo and behold finds da crack, so then there's a weird sequence where Phil gets chucked out of the pub and she gets chucked out of Max's with some weird music. Then Max chucks Carol out too because let's be honest, she's a moany twat. So she goes to stay with Bianca (who ain't happy about it lol). Denise's LOL sister comes back and also ain't got nowhere to live so is gonna move in with Patrick & Denise, might aswell they've got 2 spare bedrooms now right. Then Rainy is in the square searching for her crack and Phil turns up dangling it around being like "I want in on this shiiiittttt" PHIL ON CRACK OMG. Stay tuned....

Saturday, 7 August 2010


In the previous episode (not sure if you saw it) Phil slapped Peggy. Woah. Now she's got a mega bruise, standard. Also Tanya's sister has come back and is chilling at Max's & used to be a heroin addict. Libby and Chelsea have gone off to Spain and Oxford (v. emotional). This part is fucking ridiculous, there is NO WAY you would just jet off to spain/leave to start uni again (dear libby, it's the start of fucking august, love peter) when barely two weeks ago your dad PRETENDED YOUR MUM WAS DEAD AND LOCKED HER IN A FUCKING BASEMENT. It's a joke! Terrible terrible family members. Jordan is going to kill himself now (probably). I've started eating dried mango by the way (it's totally great). Peggy and Pat steal Louise from Phil's house and take her to Lisa's house and give her back as if that's the done thing. They don't call social services or anything, just literally drive her, drop her off. Neither of them are the legal guardian either. Mental.